Sitting in the Throne of My Heart

This series reveals key insights and personal stories from 6 layers of being – Self, Body, Beauty, Relationship, Creative Expression, True Calling – that are the foundation of MAGNETIC, an 8-week online program (+ weekend redwood retreat!) I'm facilitating for 12 women this fall 2016. 

Enrollment opens September 18, so stay tuned! 

The Self is the cradle of our heart – the inner most cave of our being. It is a fountain of unending bliss, creativity, and energy. And yet, in our overstimulated, frantic world, it takes practice to come home to your Self.  

(I've curated a playlist called Soft Awakening to go along with this post. Feel free to enjoy while reading.) 

There I was, sitting silently on a 7-acre stage with the warm Indian air caressing my skin... 

Around me in every direction were people from 180 countries from around the world united by a vision of our common humanity. The gathering brought together two things that I love deeply: vibrant expression in all its forms, dance, music, and art – and the corresponding journey inward, to know a part of ourselves that is both fresh and eternal.

As I dropped into meditation, I could feel the depth and sweetness of my own breath as my shoulders and face relaxed and a smile gently blossomed on my face. I tasted tears of gratitude as my chest swelled with a deep sense of belonging. 

// A short film Ben made about the World Cultural Festival  //

I was resting in the throne of my own heart.

As the meditation ended, I snuck a glance at my fiance Ben with his eyes closed beside me, in awe of our journey together. This deep, unshakeable love and calm is a new experience for me – the harvest from seeds that had been planted many years before.

*  *  *

In 2008 I had just graduated college and was living in New York City. I was in my Wild Woman phase, running around the city in badass boots and cute dresses, capturing the latest story for the thriving good news website I wrote for. I was very social and often found myself out on the town until 3am dancing on tables with celebrities. It was a very electric time in my life.

I was working hard and playing hard. 

My life was full of expression, sensuality, and, for the first time, purpose – but strangely, I began to feel disconnected.

I've always been a very sensitive, introspective person, but I learned to numb through overworking, filling my calendar with social events and drinking so I didn't have to FEEL so much all the time. Now I know that aspect of me is actually my superpower, but for many years I thought I was broken, and I just wanted feel normal. 

I was looking high and low for something to help bring more balance, depth, connection and joy into my life, but it was really hard to find. 

I began to follow this budding connection I had tasted through yoga, and it lead me to the hugging saint Amma (whom I love!) and to read Deepak, Marianne and all the legends. 

Finally, I stumbled into a weekend-long meditation course through the Art of Living Foundation and learned a beautiful breathing technique and meditation practice. At the end of the course, our homework was to do the practice for 40-days.

At first I was like, "wake up 30 minutes earlier? No wayyyyy. I like my sleep." But alas, a friend challenged me and I couldn't resist. 

To start, I honestly couldn't see the value and felt very resistant. It just felt like another thing. Another boring thing to do. Womp. 

But once I got into the groove thing REALLY started to change.

My moods improved. I was sleeping better. I had more energy. I was more focused and productive at work, I was on time for work because I wasn't rushing to catch the subway, I naturally started drinking less alcohol, my skin was glowing, smart and handsome boys were calling me up, I found myself walking down the street with a big smile on my face ... 

 I just simply FELT BETTER. 

I was blown away at who I could be and what I could do when I FELT GOOD. It's so funny and simple, but why is it so hard to do the things that we know are good for us?

I noticed that the more I sat with myself and listened, the more aware and abundant I felt. I was attuning to something much bigger than myself. I felt like I was being carried. 

For so many years it was like I was pushing a boulder up a hill, and after these 40 days of morning practice, I felt like I was floating down a beautiful river. 

After the 40 days I continued with the practice for another few months and dream opportunities were coming at my left and right. My manifesting powers were ON. For whatever reason, I stopped my practice for a few weeks, and that's when I really noticed the difference. It was like I was in a funk. I remember thinking, how did I ever function in the world without meditating! 

This was 8 years ago. My practice now is constantly evolving and changing. Sometimes I sit for 10 minutes, other times for 2 hours. What your practice is is a very personal thing, and you may have to try a few things on to see what really allows you drop in and experience yourself. Your true self. 

This is why we start with Layer 1: Self in Magnetic. Without this connection, nothing else is possible.

With this connection, everything is possible. 

In this place you are resting in the throne of your heart. You get to be the queen of your life. You get to feel abundance that has absolutely nothing to do with money or fame. You get to experience the beautiful shining gem that resides within you. 

Being able to know this place, and return to this place – this home within – has been the most valuable practice I've cultivated, and I am passionate about helping other women find this place within herself as well. 

* * *

In the last few seconds of meditation, I cradled the delicate rose petals that had been given to me by a young Balinese girl and prayed. I prayed that each one of the million souls I was meditating with experience deep peace.  I prayed that everyone, in every corner of the world might taste the peace and bliss we had all just experienced.

May we all know this tender place within us, and may we speak, act, create and serve from this place.