A new dawn, a new day... and a new mantra
Happy Full Moon in Cancer my friends!
I hope 2017 is delighting you with unexpected beauty and hidden love packages: )
Things have begun to set sail over here ... I just returned from a few weeks unplugged (limited email, text + social media!) with my family on the east coast.
I'm back in California and just moved into a creative studio by the ocean to birth a few exciting new projects in 2017, which I look forward to sharing with you soon!
In the photo below I'm at the studio (this morning!) drinking in the beautiful sunrise with an overwhelmingly full and grateful heart for such sweetness because, to be honest, the past few months have been rough for me ...
After the election I unraveled.
It felt like I was punched in the gut with a fist full of swords.
I've had dark spells since my early teens, and have even danced with the devil himself at 19, but nothing was like this.
For days, my whole body swelled and shook with intense waves of anger, sadness, loss, rage, confusion and other emotions I didn't know existed. Even though my practical mind would say, "This is all for the good! Things need to die to be reborn! We're all finally waking up and becoming activated in a whole new way! " ... I couldn't change or deny the soul-crushing dead weight I felt inside.
It was like I was being pulled into the underworld for an initiation I didn't know I needed ... or wanted.
I kicked and screamed, denied, avoided, prayed, cursed, questioned ... kicked and screamed some more, all while my mind spun in circles with thoughts like,"This shouldn't be happening, why is this happening, what's wrong with me, I have things to do, make it stop, this isn't part of the plan, how can I fix it, how can I change it... "
Finally, after days of inner combat, I surrendered to the swell of darkness enrapturing me. I softened, opened and let go. I realized that what was moving through me was out of my control.
I decided to fully accept, and even embrace, it all.
While in the bathtub getting lost in the abyss, I asked the darkness playfully, "Excuse me miss, but are you actually a love package in disguise? Are you gifting me an important teaching I'm finally ready for?"
The moment I invited her in, sat with her, made her an offering, listened to her with my full loving awareness (her = the great mystery that is darkness) – the intensity dissolved, I found myself flowing downstream with her, and she became my friend, my ally, and now I see even more clearly, one of my greatest teachers.
In that space of acceptance, fierce love and union with her, I shed a skin I had been wearing for 9 years. It was the end of a cycle, a birth of a new one and through death, a unique experience of purification. I'm pretty sure I haven't felt that fresh since I was born: )
It became clear to me that this is only the beginning of this kind of dance. We'll be seeing new flavors of challenge and chaos over the next decade in ways we can't even fathom at this moment, and it's important that we are able to bare witness with radical acceptance. Just like birth, it will be messy, painful, ecstatic and filled with the great mystery, so new life can flow through, and the new world can take form.
I have found this mantra to be very useful, "everything changes." Recently I've been saying to myself 20+times a day in the small moments and the big moments!
It helps me stay connected to what is True. Vedic wisdom says, "everything changes," and the question is, "what stays the same?"
I invite you to experiment with this mantra anytime you feel stuck or caught in a thought or emotion. Ask yourself "what doesn't change?" Find connection and solace there as I have when these beautiful storms of change arrive on your doorstep.
As always, I'd love to here from you!
Have you also experienced a death of sorts in the past few months?
What are you excited to birth in 2017? What growth do you see on the horizon?
1-on-1 Coaching Opportunity: 2 spots just open in my private coaching practice (in-person or Skype) so if you feel called to work together, respond to this email to set up a phone consultation to see if we're a good fit <3